*SaMaNTHa's LiFe*

Merry F'in Christmas....

Being without my family on Christmas was soooo hard. It made me want to cry but I knew i had to suck it up because there is always next year. This is the very first year i have NEVER seen my family on christmas and its the longest i have been without seeing my family. I made it the best I could yesterday buuuuuuuut.... it felt like just another day.... i am thankfl for david though... he helps me out so much when it comes to being homesick...

Also, another thing I don't get. People puting guilt trips on other people, especially when they are family. David has been getting weird phone calls lately from his grandmother, grandfather, his father, his mother.... all about how they miss him and want him to come visit for christmas and go to their christmas get together which was this past saturday... his grandmother was saying she wont be here forever and would like to see him and may not be here next year. then his grandfather called and left a voicemail saying he was worried about david and would like to see him and myself for christmas. he said that no one told him to call and that this was between his grandfather, david and god. the only thing is, his grandfather didnt know that number and got it from his parents. then we get a voicemail from his father saying that he was worried and just wanted to make sure he was okay... im like... WOW!!! i am so happy my family is normal in a way. I mean they are far from normal but at least more normal then this...
Then we get a call yesterday from his dad saying he felt denied from seeing his son again and would of liked to see him and hope to see him next year if there is a next year and all that. i mean cmon!!! i know they are blaming me and its just horrible. then you hear his mom in the background saying "i feel like i have to make an appointment to see my own son." talk about UGH! so i was upset because i knew they were blaming me and david called his dad back and basically told his dad i try to make him see everyone. its davids choice if he wants to see them. i am not going to MAKE him see them if he does not want to. i dont get why you wouldnt want to see your family but now i understand. then he told him dad that he is comfortable around my family and they all care about each other where with his moms family he feels like he is on edge all the time. his dad said he understands completely... his dad is a real nice guy and i dont know how he is still married to the witch.

anyways, thats enough about that. more to come...

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeello out there.

so it has been a long time since i wrote last. i have been busy with work and school although i decided to stop school for right now. i feel like i don't want to work as a lead teacher all my life and would like to pursue my elementary education career. i just cant start doing that until david and i figure out where we are going to end up. the last thing i want to do is get a degree here for it and then move back to ny because everyone up there knows how they look at florida degrees! i am just not content with the job that i have now. i mean, i love the kids but there is so much responsibility and lil pay in this job area. i mean granted, elementary teachers dont get paid that much either for what they do but they get paid decent, you can live off of it, you get all the vacation time and i feel like you have more of a satisfaction teaching kids a little older then two. currently, david has put me in for about 10 or more county jobs so we will see if i get a call back from them. it usually takes 4 months which sux but at the same time, if i get it, it will be completely worth it. its free insurance, tuition reimbursement and higher pay with job security. i'd probably be doing secretarial work but that's okay. pray for me to get one of those....

on another note, talk about homesick at this time of year. its christmas!!! i look outside and guess what i see.... a parking lot full of cars, a cleaner to clean out pipes near our pond and GREEN GRASS! granted, im not going to complain about the temperatures lately being in the 70s but still... ITS CHRISTMAS! david and i were talking if i do end up getting a job here with free insurance are we actually going to move... its going to be hard to move if that happens, ya know. i know if we move back up north, which is what we were thinking of doing in a year in a half to two years, then we would have to start all over with everything and start at minimum paying jobs again. him making so much, its hard to even think about starting back at that. we talked though and he said he thinks that we would be okay down here as long as we had the money to fly and visit up there like three or more times a year. i can agree with him on that one because my parents and sister do some here every year to visit. they are coming again in april for a couple days which is nice! i havent seen them since may and i think that is why i am so homesick also. when you grow up things just arent the same anymore. that is another reason i am hesitant to move back up north. ya know when you move away and you miss what you had back home.... you know that it will never be the same when you go back though! i know when i move back the ones that i love and adore, friends and family, will be out of buffalo. there is nothing there for a lot of them... we shall see what happens though....

on that note, MERRY CHRISTMAS and i will have to update more often.

so i have come to the conclusion that i am just not happy with my job. i don't want to go to work at all anyday and when i am there i just think i have to keep watching my back. its not just me but other people also feel that way. they feel like they are paranoid and have to watch everything they do. i have never felt that way at a job and feel like you should never have to feel that way. i'm not sure what to do at this point. my husband put me in for a few jobs at orange county and city of kissimmee so pray for me to get one of those jobs.

i have also learned i'm not sure i am in the right field. i mean i love love love kids! i really do! but i am not sure this is what i want to do forever. who knows! i am so confused at this point when it comes to a career. one thing i do know is that i wanna move outta florida along with the hubby. i don't know man.... thats about all i have to say for now. byeeeeeeeeeeee

Soon i will have this up and running... i am sitting here trying to figure it out... its confusing compared to other pages i have used... i will keep everyone posted!!!